Why won't they buy it?

American Public: Hello?

Direct Marketing Association: Hi, we're using property and services you pay for to try and sell you things you don't want.

AP: I thought I told you I don't want you to call me anymore.

DMA: Sure you do. A federal judge even said so today. Didn't you read the news? We're just using our, um, freedom of speech - yeah that's a good one. We'll go with that.

AP: No, I'm sure I don't want you to call me anymore.

DMA: Now you are just being un-American. You don't want to put millions of people out of jobs or prohibit our freedom of speech (or stop us from ripping you off)?

AP: What was that last one?

DMA: Nothing....um, uh just saying its our God given right to call people who have already told us they don't want to be hassled during dinner.

AP: I don't think it is. I mean if you already know I don't want to be called, how is that violating your freedom? I'm not saying you can't call people. Only people who have gone through a due process to say they do not want sales calls at home.

DMA: Because it doesn't allow us to rip you off

AP: What was that?

DMA: I mean, how do you know you don't want our product if you haven't heard what it is?

AP: I know I don't want salespeople to call me. Besides, I pay for my telephone service. What give you the right to hijack it? I don't go to your house and commandeer your pickup to deliver goods you probably don't want to buy do I?

DMA: No you don't...but now that you mention it that's a good idea.

AP: What?

DMA: Nevermind....just have the keys for your truck ready when I stop by tomorrow, I have something I need to pickup to bring over.

AP: Wait, I don't want you to use my truck.

DMA: Sorry, its a free speech issue. See you then.

AP: but.....

(dial tone...boooooop)

Marketing: You stink...you really do

Rightguard has a deodorant out with a gimmick called the powerstripe. The powerstripe is a section in the middle of the deodorant that gives extra "protection".

So, if the powerstripe works better than regular deodorant, why don't they make the whole stick out of the powerstripe stuff?

Really, they are saying that non-powerstripe stuff doesn't work as well as the powerstripe. So why do they put the other stuff in there?

The best gift basket in the world

Presenters at the Emmy awards don't get paid for their appearances on the show. It's good to see these people so appreciate their peers, they are willing forego a paycheck for their work.

Don't despair for them though. As a small token of gratitude, the presenters at this year's Emmy awards will receive a gift basket worth $30,000.

Wow, $30,000 worth of products for the effort they make in reading introductions like, "And the award for outstanding chimpanzee in an animated documentary goes to..."

The importance of marriage

Marriage is in the news again. According to this article, the last U.S. census found that the number of opposite sex cohabitating couples are increasing from 3 million in 1990 to 4.9 million in 2000.

I've heard a lot of people say "we don't need a marriage certificate to love each other". The article quotes a number of people saying essentially the same thing.

The problem with that thought is love=commitment. Statistics show it. Couples who live together before marriage are 50% likely split up compared with only 20% of those who do not cohabitate before marriage.

Reviewing other statistics about 80% of cohabitating couples break up with in 5 years.

OK, my wife and I lived together before we married. Thankfully we are in the 20% that made it past that significant 5 year mark.

Survivor is back

The newest installment of Survivor premiered last night. The first cast off was Nicole the massage therapist. THE MASSAGE THERAPIST. Could she have played any worse? Good looking and able to give massages. She should have been able to stay until they formed the jury at least.

My favorite part was Ruppert who stole the other tribes shoes at the beginning. Too bad they didn't show that tribes reaction to the theft.

Does anyone else think that Ruppert looks like Hagrid?

Fun message

A friend sent this to me in email:

Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

The joyful reunion

Honeybun got back this morning from visiting her family in New Mexico. She was a basket case from the flight. It's good to have her back. I don't have to sleep alone now. (Cats on the bed don't count as company.)

Don't make me tell your father

Coming down hard on computer crime, Judge Debra Freeman ordered Adrian Lamo to live with his parents while awaiting charges on hacking into the New York Times computer network.

That's a good one. I suppose if he wants to act like a kid, the judge is going to treat him like one.

Update:
The judge has ordered him to stay with his parents because he is a transient. I guess this is the easiest way to find him.

SUV owners relieved:

Tourists are now big threats to the environment according to Conservation International (an unbiased group if ever I heard of one).

So stay home! Don't go to developing countries because even though they need your money, you are hurting mother earth.

I need to go hug a tree.

Remembering why I got married.

Earlier this week my wife (henceforth: Honeybun) went to New Mexico to visit her sister and help decorate a new baby room. Her sister is expecting her first child in about 5 months.

So that leaves me at home with the dog, and two cats - one being a 3 month old kitten, the other is crotchy, overweight and short tempered. Put all three in the same room and you have minutes of entertainment. That is how long it takes the crotchy one to go hide under the bed, and the kitten to start climbing the furniture to get away from the black lab who apparently doesn't want to do anything else but inhale her.

Honeybun will get back next Wednesday. The only bright spot is that gives me a whole Sunday of football. My survival pick this week: Tampa Bay over Carolina.

When she is gone I realize how much I love being married to her. Actually, I realize it when she is here too. It's just that I mope about it more when she is gone.

Today I got the information package from the university I'm checking out for grad school. It really is time to create some more career opportunities.

(please don't) Call me?

Dave Barry has apparently made life very hard for the American Teleservices Association, a telemarketing trade group.

Dave Barry asked his readers to call the ATA and tell the group what they think about telemarketing. A radio report I heard today said the ATA was getting so many calls, they stopped answering the phones.

Which river?

OK, I haven't been writing much lately. I've been sick this past week. The big news in Colorado right now is West Nile virus. No, I didn't get that. I had something I like to call South Platte River virus. Basically I had a fever for a few days and the sniffles. My voice still sounds all congested.

I'll see if I can't get back in the saddle with my musings.

Promising Stem Cell Research

The debate on stem cell research is centering on harvesting stem cells from human embryo's. It turns out the most promising research is coming from adult stem cells. Brazilian researchers have taken stem cells from patients' bone marrow and injected into their hearts to repair damage patients on heart transplant lists. Four of the five patients tested were successful enough to be removed from the lists.

Maggie Gallagher has a great view on this. Research ought to be going to the most promising area of research, not the most controversial.

The end of summer

The unofficial end of summer has come and gone. My wife and I celebrated by going to the Taste of Colorado on Sunday. Apparently the idea is to showcase the most expensive food in the world (not the best food mind you - just the most expensive). A thin strip of steak (or something they called steak) costs 5 bucks. A soft drink was a mere $2.50 - apparently a "gourmet" Coke. We managed to get out of the festival without buying any junk that we didn't needs. That's something.

Now that summer is over. Maybe gas prices will go back down to a point where multi-year financing at the pump is unneccessary. Whatever happened to the engine of the future that would run on chicken fat right off the stove? Yeah, I know I'm being absurd. Who cooks enough at home any more? Everyone would have to go to KFC to fuel up their cars. "A bucket of white meat and fill up the tank please."